The Fertility Fallacy

The Fertility Fallacy

In 2004 I was granted the honor of my second child - Fiona.  She was a dainty beautiful little gift.


Back to the routine of diaper bags, breastfeeding blankets  and tiny diapers.

So exciting until you're four months postpartum and all your beautiful baby will do is scream day and night.  I was absolutely exhausted, sore from nursing and frantically trying to figure out why she was crying.

All she wanted to do was eat.  She was so tiny...why couldn't I satisfy my baby?  Wasn't she getting enough milk?  It took me almost two days before I realized I had dried up.  Something had to be wrong.  With my oldest - Luca - I could feed the hospital nursery.

So when my husband arrived home from work we sat down at the dinner table. With my four month old in my lap devouring a bottle of formula,  I looked at my husband laughing maniacally.   Crazy in my eyes - I finally spoke the two words I thought were impossible when you were breastfeeding:

I'm pregnant.

Turns out you can get pregnant when you're breastfeeding.  Pass it on!!

Forgive them - they know not what they do.

Forgive them they truly do not know what they do.

I am a high school teacher in a suburban/urban school district.  I experience many different personalities and faces.  This year I have many young at heart boys who are learning many life lessons.

Today I was thrilled!


We were discussing the many different things silence could mean:  the silent treatment, silence is golden (my personal favorite) and suffering in silence.

And AHA! A raw moment where suffering in silence taught two of my students a very valuable life lesson.

Allow me to explain, the majority of my students have been peers for the majority of their academic careers.  One of the loveliest young ladies I have ever taught recalled a moment where she suffered in silence at the cost the boy sitting directly in front of her.  She explained that when they were in elementary school, she just moved to the area from the Dominican Republic.  She spoke little to no English, and she had little to no friends.  The boy in front of her made fun of her speech and asked her if she owned a mirror - insinuating that she was ugly.  The boy was mortified. Shame filled his eyes.  In one breath she told him she cried at the bus stop and how it took her a long time to recover.  In the next breath, she told him she already forgave him for what he did.  That it was long ago, he was little and new no better. He apologized profusely embarrassed by these actions.

I was so touched by the sincerity of this young gentlemen - which his actions earned him this title at this time in his life.  It is amazing how children grow and learn in just a few years.  This did not occur that long ago in their short lives, and something that was very easy for him to do then, was something that completely embarrassed him today.

Along comes the literary connection by the wonderful Emily Dickenson:

A word is dead when it is said  some say
I say that word begins to live that day.
Spot on!

Overcoming Winter Anxiety

My feet are always freezing.  I go to bed after dinner (8:00).  I can never get warm and I have to go to the bathroom all the time because I continuously have hot tea in my hand.  Sound familiar?

The thrill is gone after Christmas.  One light dusting and I am anxiously awaiting the warm weather.

I am a summer baby who needs to feel the sun on my face.  You might say move to Florida, but if your family is like my family they are deeply rooted in an area and stay there.  And we all know we get by with a little help from our families.

As the anxiety builds and my stress level rises I search for a coping strategy.  In recent years, my garden has grown exponentially.  With this growth comes the need for more plants.  I decided to grow my plants from seedlings.  Little did I know this would help me cope through that part of the winter that drives me to tears.

I start the seeds in upside down water bottles.  A self waterer that I stole from a pinterest blog:

http://www.budget101.com/content.php/4644.

I carefully plan what I want to grow.  

I currently have strawberries that I pray will return this summer.  I also have asparagus that I have been growing for two years, this should be a year for harvest!  

Tomatoes, watermelon, cucumbers, zucchini, peppers, carefully lined in my atrium window.  I water them daily like a prayer to the summer that I am patiently waiting.  

This year I will try new botanicals for my soaps.  I am very excited to begin researching.  

So amid the anxiety of the winter, I sit by the fire planning my rows watching my garden grow.

So my fellow summer babies, or any season baby for that matter...how do you overcome winter anxiety?

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Switching Hats with Finesse...

Switching Hats with Finesse!

Just walked in the door: the dog is barking, the kids need a snack, the kids need help with their homework, the kids need a referee because one hid the other's backpack. What am I cooking for dinner? What sport practice is tonight?  Is there Brownies? Band? Piano?  Dance? Two hours later I still haven't gone to the bathroom! Meltdown in 5…4…3…2…1…

Managing many hats can make a mother maniacal.  How do you manage from work to mom  to coach to brownie leader to wife? The list is endless.  Having so many responsibilities can be drowning, deafening, depressing and downright disappointing.  Feeling overwhelmed and diminished is a feeling we all experience at one time or another.  So how do we support ourselves to make successful transitions in a time of chaos?

Taking time for yourself is a perfect way to make transitions less tumultuous.  

In my late twenties - a mother of three- a wife- a full time teacher- a crazy woman...came the need for me time. I found it in yoga.  For an hour and a half I flowed through the vinyasa of someone telling me what to do. A full hour and a half of not thinking - pure movement- success - awareness.  I noticed this presence flow into my daily transitions and responsibilities.  A practice I continue often.  

In my early thirties, I became a runner.  I recall a movie, What Women Want with Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt.  The Nike commercial created in their advertising firm is the perfect explanation of my feeling when I ran. 

Check it out:

A really bad video, a really great monologue.

I needed that freedom.  I ran three to four miles every morning. I was energized - full of life full of glory ready to face any challenge that presented itself.  After a health issue, I stopped running and I noticed tension stress and anger building - my patience and tolerance diminishing.  

Then I started soaping.  An amazing creative outlet that provides me meditation and time to rejuvenate and cleanse - haha- my mind from the fast forward of life.  Knowing there is me time at some point in a week provides me with the solace I need to encounter everyday with my full presence and awareness. 

A way to respond thoughtfully instead of act instinctually.  

What is your cleanse?

WWIII The tech battle...

Being present with presents…WWIII Technology v. Family

Beats...Xbox...Playstation 3or4orwhatever number...iPads...iPods...iPhones...iLost my family in all this technology.  How are we to create a strong family with all this electrical static?

How many times have you caught yourself yelling at your children to clean their rooms for the the tenth time and Big Brother is watching (aka the friend they have been facetiming for the last two hours)  and found yourself embarassed because your hair is a mess and it is the third day for your cleaning attire?

What a dilemma...

Battling the social media of today could quite possibly become WWIII.  

So what to do...Set a standard and follow it yourself.  Set appropriate times for gaming and social media and don’t forget to follow these standards yourself.  Children are what they live.  So sorry for pointing out the obvious, but if you are like me, you do these things and wonder if they are truly working, or if your fight with your children is a battle only won during the current moment.

I suppose the proof is in the pudding.  Here is a little story about an incident that happened with my son.  He had been texting a girl from our old town, and they grew to like each other via iphone.  A very easy, faceless way to chat.  My son spent the weekend in our old town with family friends.  The boys decided to ask the iphone girl and her friend to paint the town red and of course they agreed, who can turn down two dashing gentlemen such as these.  

As the two couples walked the avenue, iphone girl turned into instagram girl and twitter girl and snapchat girl and every other form of social media that iteens find themselves messaging on.  My son was so annoyed at her iphones dominance on their rendezvous, he stopped talking to her.  

With a sigh of relief, I felt I had won a small battle in WWIII.  All the nagging, confiscating and shutting down of technology gave my son an appreciation for a face to face conversation.  

So keep poking and prodding... it pays off in the end.