As a teacher it is so easy for me to have an altercation with a student and let it go. As a mother it is not so easy. As a wife - nearly impossible.
The other day I had a student throw a desk, and yell in another student's face. While this may sound as if I have no control in my classroom, remember the proverbial -
However, the next day is always a new day. Sunny and fresh. No qualms about simply moving on.
If the same incident were to happen in my house - I would hold a grudge until I saw fit to move on. Why is it?
When I was a college student, I worked in a small bar in Philadelphia and had a wonderful bartender friend who was always in the same boat as me: she was dating a new boyfriend, who would soon be her husband - me too ; she was surprised to be pregnant - me too; and she was super emotionally charged and held grudges and whined - me too. We were prepping for the customers and chatting about our most recent encounters with our significant others when I was trying to understand why I could not move on from my most recent fight with my man. Well, here was my bartender ready to offer me the mentoring advice that only a bartender could provide: because this time it matters.
And of course she was right.
So here I am 16 years later still thinking about this, and the more I think about this the more I realize how important it is to face every encounter as a learning experience where we can learn and move on as a family. So here I go...
Rules for the Day After:
1. Forgive and Forget...Kind of
Of course it is ok to remember, but forgiving is so important. If you cannot accept an apology, then moving on will be very difficult.
2. Move On...
So remembering is in our character, but it is not ok to hold a grudge. You can remember without fostering anger and resent. It is crucial you do not continuously bring up the time they hurt you...or the words they said...this will never work.
3. Learn something about yourself...
When I have an encounter, I have a tendency to stew over the issue. What did I do to make the situation worse? Did I really try to figure out what the other person was saying? How did I try to mend the situation?? or did I simply add to the aggravation?
4. Be grateful...
In the grand scheme of things, did this encounter really matter? Gratitude will surely change your attitude!!
It only took 16 years to figure this crap out...
Love and Peace,
Micha
